


Final sin

by yuroichi97



Category: No Fandom, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Depressing, F/F, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I'm Sorry, Inspired by Real Events, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Other, Real Life, Sad Ending, Self Prompt, Self-Hatred, Sorry Not Sorry, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Unrequited Love, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-26 16:10:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12062493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuroichi97/pseuds/yuroichi97
Summary: A female OC lives with walls around her heart, what will happen when her feelings for a certain roommate force those walls to break. *trigger warning: this fic includes very dark themes, please read tags*





	Final sin

“….” –out loud  
-Thoughts/memories-  
-“…” - - inner voice  
*…* - sound  
DREAM  
Note:This is my first time making a fanfic with this kind of set up. This is also my first time writing a sad fanfic so I don’t know how well it will go.  
No happy ending for this one.  
Sorry not sorry *trigger warning this fanfic talks about child abuse, self-harm, and suicide*

She woke up sweating again unable to catch her breath. From the other room she can hear T laughing at some show she is watching. The sound calms her down and she lays back down, the other roommate doesn’t matter.  
-Red spreads across everything, the colorful world stained in red. Red slowly fades to black as fear sets in. “I need to fix the hole in the walls, the wall I built to protect me from me.”  
She snaps back to reality as T calls out to her, “hun you should come watch this with me!” She gives up at just staying in bed and heads out to the living room where T and the other person is sitting. It’s not that she hates the other woman, she is only out there because T asked her to. Her heart skips when she sees her,  
-it’s just a coincidence.-  
She sits next to T and tries to just focus on the show on the computer. “I’m gonna go to bed now so try to keep it down ok?” She just ignores her, after all, all she cares about right now is spending time with T. She sneaks a glance at T and smiles at her. She is so beautiful when she laughs, -I wonder how she can be so beautiful.  
“It’s because you love her,”  
she shakes her head as the thought passes through her head. Just as she does T starts laughing so she pays attention to the show she doesn’t really care about. Once the movie is over they both go back to their rooms. As she passes by T looks at her and says “night babe sleep well.” She hates it when T calls her stuff like that, T makes it clear that they are only friends and that is all they will ever be. There is a pang in her chest at the thought but she brushes it off and smiles. She replies and they both go to bed, they have work together and it is going to be a long day. Her eyes drift shut as she falls asleep.  
THE MAN APPROACHES HER SPEAKING SOFTLY EACH WORD IS PUNCTUATED BY EVERY STEP. “SHE WILL NEVER LOVE YOU, YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT? YOU ARE JUST A GIRL SHE GREW UP WITH IN HIGH SCHOOL, AND NOW YOU ARE JUST A ROOMMATE.” THESE WORDS PIERCE HER CHEST FOR SOME REASON, THEY ARE FRIENDS SO WHY DOES IT HURT TO HEAR THAT? THE WALLS THAT SURROUND THEM CRACK SLIGHTLY, EACH THOUGHT OF HER MADE NEW CRACKS IN THE WALLS. THE WAY SHE LAUGHS, THE WAY SHE POUTS WHEN SHE IS CLUMSY AND TRIPS OVER NOTHING. *CRACK* THE WAY SHE SEEMS SO RELAXED LOOKING AT NAIL ART AND TALKING ABOUT WHAT SHE LIKES DOING. *CRACK, CRACK* THE WAY BEING NEAR HER FEELS SO WARM AND SAFE, MAYBE HER WARMTH IS ENOUGH TO KEEP AWAY THE DARK BEHIND THE WALLS. *CRASH* THE WALLS AROUND HER CRUMBLE AND DARKNESS ENGULFS HER.  
She shoots up out of bed, emotions and memories begin to flood her body each one hitting harder than a punch. They rush through her burning her.  
-The man who was supposed to be her new father decides that he would rather fuck her instead of her mother. Telling her that it is all her fault and that she would be hated if anyone found out.-  
Her breathing becomes broken as the memory passes through her, only to be hit by a wave of emotion.  
-Regret, anger, fear, pain, sorrow, and a deep self-hate.-  
She doesn’t have time to get a hold of herself before it happens again.  
-Years later after the incident with the first man, it is new years and she is drinking with the family. Everyone has headed to bed when she hears her bedroom door open. A voice that sounds like J’s is whispering to her. Soon she hears the door shut and relaxes until suddenly he is on her bed. He grabs her leg and pulls her toward him, his eyes glossed over. She tries to pull away but it excites him more. He reaches up and pulls off her pants, she can’t find her voice to call out or tell him to stop. Her mind is still fuzzy from the alcohol and all she can think is “not again.” He reaches up and begins to rub his hand on her thighs and then moves up so that his body is pinning hers. Reaching down he tries to slip his hand in her underwear, she struggles but he just pins her arms. In one quick movement he thrust his hand down her underwear and forces his fingers inside of her. Each movement of his fingers brings nausea, just when she thinks it can’t get worse he pulls her underwear off and reaches to his pants. Panic sets in when she realizes what he is about to do. She wiggles free and begins hitting and kicking him, he tries to pin her again but fails so he gives up and leaves.-  
She is shaking now her body and mind slowly breaking, she tries to think of T and lets the warmth spread through her hoping it will help.  
-“You love her and you know it,” the voice was right. She really does love T, but there was no way she could tell her. “That’s right because your feeling are wrong,” wrong? “She would be disgusted by your feelings,” really? “Yes, and she would never love you like you love her.” The voice is right, her warmth can’t save me and being around me could kill that warmth.-  
Tears began to stream down her face when she not only realized her feelings for T, but accepted that those feelings would never be realized. It was that moment that her heart snapped, her thoughts changed until she couldn’t tell the difference between her and the voice. Soon she couldn’t tell if it was her thinking or the voice.  
-“She would be better off without you” she doesn’t need “you”. Maybe “you should” just “disappear.” She wouldn’t “even notice if you” were gone. “Maybe you should just” die.-  
she looks up with eyes now empty, they were right. She would only say goodbye to two people, the person she loves and the person she thought she loved. 

For him she would send him a text, but it would be specific to him. He loves anime so maybe the kanji for jisatsu. It would take him a bit to figure it out and so he wouldn’t be able to stop her. For T, she would write her a letter so she could tell her how she felt about her. It would hurt T, but at least she would know what she couldn’t say to her when she was alive. Little did she know that T would be back early.  
She wrote her letter, and stent the text.  
Once that was done she took her leftover muscle relaxers, not a lot at once so she didn’t throw them up. She felt them take effect so she took more, as much as she could without being sick. She wanted to be sure it was enough so she then took a knife she had and pressed it deep into her arm making a cut from her wrist to her elbow. It was deep so it wouldn’t take long, she was already feeling weak. Suddenly she heard the front door open, no one was supposed to be home yet. It was T and she had found the letter on the counter. T started yelling and ran into your room as a look of fear ran across her face. T held her close and cried “please don’t do this to me, don’t leave me.” her breathing slowed and she looked up at T  
-I love you Tea.-  
The last thing she hear was T saying “Mariah please just stay awake, I called 911…don't leave....... soon……..... Longer.... .” T’s voice fades and she closes her eyes for the last time.

 

If you know someone who is depressed or shows signs of suicidal thoughts please help. Depression is not easy to go through, especially alone. And if you are depressed or having suicidal thoughts please contact the suicide hotline call 1-800-273-8255 or contact them at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/


End file.
